I Love You More Than Cow: 6 Hilarious and Adorable Kid Poems

Today is my birthday, writing friends, which means that any minute now I'm due for a call from my mother wishing my well and telling me about my birth/childhood. (Love you, mom!) As one typically does in the spirit of their day of birth, I had been thinking about what I was like as a kid when I remembered that I once had a poem published in a national anthology, some time around age 9 or 10.

I do not say this to ask for any congratulations. If I were to reread that poem at this very moment, I would laugh out loud or melt through the floor in sheer agony. I'm not quite sure which. It was pretty cheesy. Granted, I wrote the poem in about 5 minutes so I wouldn't miss the mailing deadline (forever a procrastinator), but you could pay me just about any sum and I wouldn't dig up that poem and share it on this blog.

Instead, I'll share some other charming examples of poems written by kids, for your viewing pleasure. Hilarity awaits!

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"My water bottle shoes

they should not come as news.

It matches just so well

with my tin can lid belt.

Do you too, think it's "insane?"

When you see my trash bag mane?

Though I'll admit it really itches

wearing pigeon feathers britches:

I prefer my trash can dorm

to observing social norms.

So don't wrinkle your 

nose and frown,

when you see my

Garbage crown."

A riveting piece about what society considers normal. A commanding grasp of syllable count and rhyme. We dig it.

Also, definitely thought he wrote "wearing pigeon feathers, bitches" at first.

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"Their is a dead
bird. It is so weird
today. No one cares.You don't care
about anything.
Who doesn't care
about anything?
I do."

You know what they say: the key to a poet's success is an early introduction to melancholy.

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Rhyming couplets and a handful of scathing insults? Boom. A career in satire is coming for this kid.

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"My fish is in a bowl

with water in it

He lives on a dish

A dish that is brown

My fish loves to sleep on that dish

He likes to hide on that dish

Oh that silly fish

But then he died"

This young poet has clearly mastered the dramatic twist, as has the artist below.

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Future master of the love sonnet, I'm tellin' you.

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"I am the chair,

I have 4 legs,

people sit in my quietly,

Even the dogs,

I get broke,

I get sold,

and some don't even use me,

some fart,

some barf,

some rest in me peacefully.

Babies poop on me.

I am the chair."

I can't even describe all the ways I love this. 

Write on, you fantastic children, write on.

Do you still have some of the first poems you wrote? What did you write about? If you can bear it, you can even share your poem with us in the comments, assuming you can dig it out from the box of things your mom has from your grade school days.