“Marrying Absurd”: Nothing to Do with Joan Didion and Everything to do with Shia LaBeouf

After merely skimming the title of Joan Didion’s “Marrying Absurd,” not knowing it was an essay about shotgun weddings, I thought to myself, I want to marry absurd. 

Because I want to marry Shia LaBeouf. 

Okay, so this is a very outdated meme. But there’s something artistic about absurdity. The production value combined with the composure of all those involved in this work of art is something to be called into question. Many talented people got together and choreographed the dancing and acrobatics, learned the routine, composed music, arranged music, wrote lyrics, sang like angels, crafted each paper mache Shia LaBeouf heads… the list goes on. The production value alone is enough to make you question is it really a giant joke? Not to say that you shouldn’t go far, way too far, and be way too serious about your humor.

The whole concept reminds me of my dog, mustache tousled, beady eyes ablaze, digging furiously into his plastic crate. He isn’t going to move any dirt. There’s no dirt to move and the plastic isn’t going to budge. But through his poignancies, his determination, he makes me laugh. Imagine my dog is Schnauzer LaBeouf.

The more seriously you take your humor, the more relentlessly you imagine it, the more likely you are to crack yourself up. And maybe others too. Or they’ll just think you’re ridiculous. But doesn’t the very idea of other people thinking you ridiculous, of looking on in disbelief funny itself? 

Imagine this. You are sitting at your desk job and someone slams a 20-pound malted milk ball next to you and begins to gnaw on it. At first, you hear the squelch of melting chocolate; feel the coolness of previously refrigerated shavings flying onto your arm from the point of chewing. Then, as your co-worker reaches the wafer level, and sound becomes airy on his teeth, and crumbs hot, spittle more frantic. Your workstation is ruined. There is saliva and chocolate permeating your keyboard. Your productivity is ruined. Imagine this co-worker is Snack-sinner LaBeouf. 

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Write manic.

The more vivid and impassioned the humor, the more absurd, the more attracted I am to it. Hence, I want to marry Shia LaBeouf. My mom doesn’t like that.

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